Why giving the best of your self will give you peace of mind?
Author: Sergio Rojas Leyva
Date: 2022-07-05
Always is a word that seems hard to achieve since it has no ending on time. Always means always, every time, at all times, without fail, without exception, no matter what, in any case, consistently, I think you got me.
AT WORK
In every stressful situation.
In my opinion stress often arises when you’ve a lot of work to finish and you have few time to do it. The day last only 24 hours, the week has 7 days, and the year has 365 days, nevertheless you have to reach your due dates, you must deliver what you promised. Every time that this happens which is often, I usually think on these self-created rules:
1. I plan my week and my days. I’ve a notebook where I categorize my most important activities and I cross them off when I’m done with them.
2. When I’m doing any activity, I put the best of my attention on it. Focus is called.
3. I work hard to achieve the most of what I can in one day. I wake up very early in the morning when I feel fresh and I go directly to the heaviest-thinking activities, those that require full of my attention. The morning is the best moment for me to flow.
4. I give the extra, every time I can, when the regular business time is finished and I’ve some minutes of calmness because nobody is calling or messaging, I make myself a space to finish the most important tasks that I can in the same day.
5. I sleep well and I rest. I’ve experienced in the past that a lot of hours of work with few rest hours are a terrible combination, my attention, and my productivity fade away if I didn’t slept well the night before.
I act in the limit of my physic and mental capacity, and this is really what gives me peace of mind, I’m doing my best according to my capacities.
In every situation where there are variables out of my control.
Negotiating a lease contract or a sale transaction is often a situation where a lot of variables arises such as multiple interests of each stakeholder in each side of the negotiation, how the market is doing in terms of availability, what about inflation, Covid-19, war, exchange rate, elections, etc. What do I do in order to do my best?
1. I have a plan and I improve my plan each time I negotiate to have the best preparation for the negotiation that I can have.
2. I double check information. For example, when I’m going to negotiate the renewal of a lease, I ask my team to analyze the contract and to create the lease abstract, then I made a second review of the lease and the amendments.
3. I take my time to see different angles of how the negotiation can go, I make tons of questions to myself, among others:
a. How is the market doing? What is the availability in the industrial park, building, mall and/or corridor? What are the prices?
b. What is the other party main interest? What are they looking for? It is important for me as well that they win something on the negotiation, what can I grant that is valuable to the other party?
c. I usually analyze since the beginning the worst-case scenario. If we can’t come to a good agreement, where can I move my client in (that can really a viable option)? I need to have those options ready and available for my client prior the beginning of the negotiation.
d. What are my negotiation goals? What can’t be out of this negotiation?
e. What can be the objections of the other party and what is the best way that I should address them?
4. Once I’m done with my negotiation preparation, I create my negotiation strategy and then I go to negotiate. Even with all these planning and preparation something can go wrong, the other party can be not reasonable, there can be information that it is not available to me, we usually negotiate and make decisions having not the complete information, the other party can have information that only they know, they can even have better information than I do.
In conclusion, I do my homework in the best way that I can, and I do my best to leave out any possible variable, being honest this almost always have worked for me. In case I don’t obtain something that I was looking for I know that I did the best that I could, I prepared, and I worked hard to obtain the best result that I can.
When someone questions your capabilities or even talks bad about you (sometimes that person doesn’t even know you). When I’ve learned that someone questions my capabilities or even had talk bad about me. I don’t feel attacked. I know that it is impossible that everyone likes me. What I do is the following:
1. I don’t counterattack that person. The way he or she behaves speaks about them, not about me. It is on me to be calmed, they can say whatever they want, I can’t control other people, however I can control how I react, and I can control that what they say doesn’t moves me.
2. I do my best to be kind with the person that is prosecuting me.
3. People are usually defending their interests, I know that they are not against me, they are in favor of themselves.
Some years ago, I had the opportunity to be in charge of a big responsibility of managing a big real estate portfolio for a very important client. An small group of leaders, we had a final meeting in order to discuss next steps with this enormous project, we had to show to the client how we were going to solve his requirements. At one moment of the meeting one of the seniors’ executives questioned why I was going to be assigned since I was young and I didn’t had the experience, neither the skills, that there were others who can do it better than I did. I stayed composed. I didn’t say anything. He didn’t know that I had several years of experience managing hundreds of leases, negotiating, working with very tough executives demanding for results and I was delivering what they were expecting.
Staying tranquil, was the best thing to do, my silence showed a lot of things, the most important thing was that I didn’t had to demonstrate anything to him or to defend myself. Also, I was sure that maybe there was someone else that had more experience, however I was sure of the energy that I was going bring to the table to make things work. Nowadays we still continue to work with this client. Maybe in the future this will change, however I know that I’m doing my best to getting the best results that I can working together with a great team of professionals.
It’s important to mention that the changes on my mindset didn’t happen in one day, they happened through the years, through reading tons of books, by listening and processing to what mentors say to me and to finally putting it on practice again and again (and failing a bunch of times by the way).
At my personal life.
I would like to share that recently I got reunited with an ex-girlfriend, we had a relationship some years ago that didn’t worked out. I would need to say that I fell head over heels of her, however I noticed low commitment from her and I finished the relationship immediately. I wanted from the bottom of my heart that it can work, I committed myself for being the best man I could be, to be patient, to be there for her, to love her. Several years passed through and few weeks ago we agreed to meet each other again, so we did. We agreed on a Saturday night, and we actually spent really good time together, we had some drinks, it was fun, and it was a wonderful night. We laughed, we enjoyed music, we talked about the past and the present, we updated on how our lives were going at the moment, no bad feelings or regrets raised.
In a moment of the night, she told me that when we were together as couple, she cheated on me with his ex-boyfriend. I can say that we were having such a great time that intentionally I didn’t get angry, however it was a big surprise to me due to the fact that it was the first time I learned someone has cheated on me.
Few days later from that night I had the opportunity to internalize and feel what she told me, as I mentioned I really liked her. I remembered some things I was proud of doing, not making some mistakes I’ve made in the past, for example not getting angry when she didn’t kept her word, I understood and I believed on what she told me, or when she moved several times the hour or even the day we were going to meet, I stayed calmed but firm. Of course, now I know why she did it.
I’m satisfied with my behavior, I was firm with her each time it happened, I didn’t accept those kinds of behaviors, however I wasn’t sarcastic or rude, I neither assumed a victim’s role. I was in peace and maybe this was only on my mind, but it felt so good that I gave my best. I acknowledged that this was completely something that was not related to me at all, it was related to her and that it was not in my control.
I finished the relationship at the right moment, I didn’t wait since I knew it was not going to improve, and I knew that I was acting the best I could according to my conscience. I wasn’t receiving anything back, not to say that it was not even close to what I was giving on the relationship. I’m not judging her actions, I’m not analyzing her actions, what I can say is that I was and I’m completely in peace with me. Even when I wanted things to work out, I didn’t move on to a toxic, non-sense relationship, even when she did something that can really hurt me.
“He who is without sin cast the first stone”, who am I to judge? I’ve made mistakes as well, we all have! By the way I’m still convinced that she didn’t do it to hurt me, she had her reasons which is not my interest to even ask now, the moment has passed already.
I was able to distinguish between what was in my control and what wasn’t, what I can did about it, and to act in a responsible and stillness way. It is not that I felt bad, I did, however, once I put my focus on my actions, I was good, and it took some days to reach that point, it was a process, once I reached that point, I was in peace with the world and of course with me and ready to move on.
What does give the best of you means to me?
> Giving your best is not about being naive!
> Be calm, think, reflect, and then act according to what is in my control.
> Focus and act on what is on your control.
> Do not accept toxic behaviors and get away from them.
> Be kind even when your neighbor is not.
> It is right to look for stillness in another place.
> Don’t assume the victim’s role, you’re never a victim, there is something you can do.
> Build willpower, stressful and difficult situations are the best opportunity to improve your willpower and to grow.
I would like to say that I’m so lucky for finding Ryan Holiday books that are supported deeply by Stoicism as well as I feel grateful for being mentored by Chris Perla whose one of his main advices is to live on the present moment, Chris had the courtesy of introducing me to Eckhart Tolle’s books, so I’ve been able to go deeper into the concept.
“Always give your best so you can always live in peace with yourself” Sergio Rojas Leyva
Recommended biography.
- Ego is the Enemy – Ryan Holiday
- Meditations – Marcus Aurelius
- The Power of Now – Eckhart Tolle
